AIRTEL

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from Airtel and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AIRTEL: Hello, this is AIRTEL...
Me: Is this AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Yes, this is AIRTEL...
Me: This is AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Yes This is AIRTEL...
Me: Is this AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: YES! This is AIRTEL, may I speak to Mr. Murali please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AIRTEL: This is AIRTEL.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AIRTEL: Is this Mr. Murali?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AIRTEL: This is AIRTEL...
Me: Is this AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Yes this is AIRTEL...
Me: This is AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Yes, is this Mr. Murali?
Me: Yes, is this AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AIRTEL: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AIRTEL.
AIRTEL: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AIRTEL: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Murali.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.
AIRTEL: Mr. Murali we would like to offer you 10 paise a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 paise a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 paise a minute 24 hours a day?
AIRTEL: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AIRTEL: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AIRTEL: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AIRTEL: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AIRTEL: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full 52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AIRTEL: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 paise a minute.
AIRTEL: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 paise a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to 144 per day, 1008 per week and 52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AIRTEL: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 paise a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 paise a minute. Are you sure this is AIRTEL?
AIRTEL: Well, yes this is AIRTEL sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 paise a minute that I'll give you 10 paise a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien rainwashing  techniques on me.
AIRTEL: No sir we are offering 10 paise a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AIRTEL: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AIRTEL: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AIRTEL: Yes Mr. Murali. Please hold on.
So now AIRTEL has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Murali?
Me: Yes?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 paise a minute program.
Me: Is this Airtel?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AIRTEL: Hello Mr. Murali, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...
AIRTEL: (click)