”Familiarity breeds contempt ” is a saying which always fascinated me. It sounded so meaningful whenever you have had a "stab in the back" experience. We meet so many people, get connected to so many, become friendly with a few and with some, it seems like lifelong bonding.
We have family members, friends, close friends, relatives, distant relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, all coming under different groups and each with its own level of bonding. What is it that really happens when we meet someone? Some we like instantly, some we find very withdrawn and reserved, with some we share good vibes which promise to develop into a more meaningful relationship and, finally, with some there is a strong sense of commitment and sincere bonding. In any relationship, be it with friends, relatives or close family members, we all look for comfort zones and freedom of expression. Any person, who deals with you in a warm and caring fashion, becomes your friend - a friend is someone, whom you feel, is like you in many ways or likes you enough to give you a feeling of comfort and security. The friendship then blooms because there is a lot of freedom, and, the need to share, care and express keeps both connected.
Relatives too can be your good friends and family members too can be your good friends. Any person in this world, who gives you a secure feeling, can become your friend. Since all of us are in this world to live a life of comfort and to be happy, our first priority in life is to see how to achieve these comforts. Each one is out to perform their duties well, and achieve happiness and success in whatever they do. When you deal with all the struggles that accompany you in fulfilling your wishes, you come across so many people who are a part of your life in helping you to move towards your goals.
For a child, it is the parents, teachers, classmates who help them through their journey. For a teenager, it is his or her friends, lecturers and family members, who give support to help realize his or her goals. At work, it is the boss and colleagues, who help you through your professional expectations. At home, it is the spouse and kids who give you support and are also the reasons for you to strive and achieve your goals, of providing comfort and happiness for yourself and those around you.
At each level and in every phase of life, one finds people who act as the foundation, the pillars and also the roof and with whose presence, support, help, and guidance you move forward in the journey of life. Every person you deal with is so different, in so many ways from each other. One finds oneself adjusting, accommodating and conditioning oneself to suit the different outlooks, temperament, attitude, behavior, core values and principles that each person carries with themselves when he or she interacts with us.
One is always on guard with strangers, acquaintances and all of those, whom we know, but don’t know too well. Being vigilant helps you to connect well, without being misunderstood and without causing any disturbance in the interactions. It helps you to talk well, choosing the right words to convey and communicate, and because you are careful with your manners and speech, there are not many reasons to develop grudges and grievances.There is no reason to take anybody for granted and when you treat others well with respect and care, you too most probably will be treated the same way, leaving both parties satisfied with the atmosphere they have created for each other. There are a lot of formalities to be adhered to in such relationships which keep it safe from any controversy.
When there is formality involved, there are fewer chances of you becoming too familiar with each other. There are fewer chances of getting hurt, fewer reasons to accuse and blame because you are dealing with each other in a professionally respectful manner. It is only when you deal with friends, close friends, and close family members, that one allows familiarity to creep in because these are relationships which give us the maximum freedom to be ourselves. You need to feel free to express, act and behave the way you are and the way you want to be. You don’t want to feel wary, you don’t want to feel scared and worried to express and act freely.
You want to be yourself, in this group of familiar people. It helps you unwind and feel secure in such company. The comfort zone that only family and close friends can provide is what keeps one happy, safe and secure in the knowledge that these are people who will be with me always, despite any ups and downs in life. These are the people I can count on, under any circumstance, because we understand, appreciate and enjoy the freedom, love, care, warmth, and security that we give to each other and here we can quote a few other meaningful adages, ”A friend in need is a friend indeed ”, ” Birds of the same feather, flock together ”, "United we stand, divided we fall” etc., which adds its own meanings to emphasize this close knit group that every person needs in all the phases of his or her life.
Each one of us, long to belong to a group of family and friends where we are cherished, loved and cared for - for what we are, where every defect, every wrong action is overlooked, corrected or accepted without being punished, and where we feel free, unpretentious, comfortable and secure to do, to speak, to express, to demand and feel wanted.This is the group which keeps you grounded, supports and guides you to go about your daily duties, helps you to struggle, guides you to achieve and protects and comforts you when you feel weak and face failure. So far so good. One should be fortunate to belong to such a group of people. Here comes the twist of human frailty. When you become too familiar with anyone, it is natural to lean on, depend and have a lot of expectations from them. And because YOU have been YOURSELF, never pretended and have completely exposed your true nature with all it positive strengths and weaknesses, the group knows you inside out and that may leave you vulnerable, especially in situations where you need to seek a lot of support and understanding from them. There is a lot of familiarity that has crept into the relationship or friendship which gives you the freedom to openly say and ask, and if the person you are dealing with is not in the frame of mind to agree and accept your demands or expressions, then differences start appearing. Moreover, your positive traits and achievements may be making others insecure from within. A man is after all competitive by nature, and is likely to feel jealous and threatened by anyone who is in a superior position either because of his wealth, physical appearance, success or winning attitude. However close one is, to another person, there is always space for competition and this is the most integral truth of human nature.
No human is consistent in his reactions in every situation. In different situations, under different circumstances, everyone thinks, acts and reacts differently and this becomes the sole reason for discord between two individuals.You know each other too well, but the changing scenario and one’s own individual opinion on a subject may cause a divide. What you say or do may not be to their liking, and there may be arguments and controversial statements spoken which leave you hurt and humiliated. When there is a lot of familiarity, there is a lot of openness and that backfires because there are then more reasons to hurt each other. You take one another for granted and blurt out whatever comes to mind. It's good, to be honest with each other, but honesty in trying periods can hurt badly. When you know each other too well, you may not be too happy with the particular habits and characteristics of one another, and these preconceived notions lead to a war of words which, in turn, leads to contemptuous expressions about each other.
So familiarity does make one feel secure, but one can never be sure if the other person feels secure too. He or she may be feeling insecure about your positive and bright qualities, and this insecurity leads to a lot of difference of opinions. This sense of insecurity, over a period of time, leaves them disgusted with your achievements, attitude, life style. There is a secret war raging within, which is never spoken aloud and when in tough situations, you get exposed to all that has been around you, invisible and dormant. When you are down and low and in need, they expose their real face to you and then there is double trouble, confronting with helplessness the reality of the whimsical shallowness that was so far hidden from you.
We have family members, friends, close friends, relatives, distant relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, all coming under different groups and each with its own level of bonding. What is it that really happens when we meet someone? Some we like instantly, some we find very withdrawn and reserved, with some we share good vibes which promise to develop into a more meaningful relationship and, finally, with some there is a strong sense of commitment and sincere bonding. In any relationship, be it with friends, relatives or close family members, we all look for comfort zones and freedom of expression. Any person, who deals with you in a warm and caring fashion, becomes your friend - a friend is someone, whom you feel, is like you in many ways or likes you enough to give you a feeling of comfort and security. The friendship then blooms because there is a lot of freedom, and, the need to share, care and express keeps both connected.
Relatives too can be your good friends and family members too can be your good friends. Any person in this world, who gives you a secure feeling, can become your friend. Since all of us are in this world to live a life of comfort and to be happy, our first priority in life is to see how to achieve these comforts. Each one is out to perform their duties well, and achieve happiness and success in whatever they do. When you deal with all the struggles that accompany you in fulfilling your wishes, you come across so many people who are a part of your life in helping you to move towards your goals.
For a child, it is the parents, teachers, classmates who help them through their journey. For a teenager, it is his or her friends, lecturers and family members, who give support to help realize his or her goals. At work, it is the boss and colleagues, who help you through your professional expectations. At home, it is the spouse and kids who give you support and are also the reasons for you to strive and achieve your goals, of providing comfort and happiness for yourself and those around you.
At each level and in every phase of life, one finds people who act as the foundation, the pillars and also the roof and with whose presence, support, help, and guidance you move forward in the journey of life. Every person you deal with is so different, in so many ways from each other. One finds oneself adjusting, accommodating and conditioning oneself to suit the different outlooks, temperament, attitude, behavior, core values and principles that each person carries with themselves when he or she interacts with us.
One is always on guard with strangers, acquaintances and all of those, whom we know, but don’t know too well. Being vigilant helps you to connect well, without being misunderstood and without causing any disturbance in the interactions. It helps you to talk well, choosing the right words to convey and communicate, and because you are careful with your manners and speech, there are not many reasons to develop grudges and grievances.There is no reason to take anybody for granted and when you treat others well with respect and care, you too most probably will be treated the same way, leaving both parties satisfied with the atmosphere they have created for each other. There are a lot of formalities to be adhered to in such relationships which keep it safe from any controversy.
When there is formality involved, there are fewer chances of you becoming too familiar with each other. There are fewer chances of getting hurt, fewer reasons to accuse and blame because you are dealing with each other in a professionally respectful manner. It is only when you deal with friends, close friends, and close family members, that one allows familiarity to creep in because these are relationships which give us the maximum freedom to be ourselves. You need to feel free to express, act and behave the way you are and the way you want to be. You don’t want to feel wary, you don’t want to feel scared and worried to express and act freely.
You want to be yourself, in this group of familiar people. It helps you unwind and feel secure in such company. The comfort zone that only family and close friends can provide is what keeps one happy, safe and secure in the knowledge that these are people who will be with me always, despite any ups and downs in life. These are the people I can count on, under any circumstance, because we understand, appreciate and enjoy the freedom, love, care, warmth, and security that we give to each other and here we can quote a few other meaningful adages, ”A friend in need is a friend indeed ”, ” Birds of the same feather, flock together ”, "United we stand, divided we fall” etc., which adds its own meanings to emphasize this close knit group that every person needs in all the phases of his or her life.
Each one of us, long to belong to a group of family and friends where we are cherished, loved and cared for - for what we are, where every defect, every wrong action is overlooked, corrected or accepted without being punished, and where we feel free, unpretentious, comfortable and secure to do, to speak, to express, to demand and feel wanted.This is the group which keeps you grounded, supports and guides you to go about your daily duties, helps you to struggle, guides you to achieve and protects and comforts you when you feel weak and face failure. So far so good. One should be fortunate to belong to such a group of people. Here comes the twist of human frailty. When you become too familiar with anyone, it is natural to lean on, depend and have a lot of expectations from them. And because YOU have been YOURSELF, never pretended and have completely exposed your true nature with all it positive strengths and weaknesses, the group knows you inside out and that may leave you vulnerable, especially in situations where you need to seek a lot of support and understanding from them. There is a lot of familiarity that has crept into the relationship or friendship which gives you the freedom to openly say and ask, and if the person you are dealing with is not in the frame of mind to agree and accept your demands or expressions, then differences start appearing. Moreover, your positive traits and achievements may be making others insecure from within. A man is after all competitive by nature, and is likely to feel jealous and threatened by anyone who is in a superior position either because of his wealth, physical appearance, success or winning attitude. However close one is, to another person, there is always space for competition and this is the most integral truth of human nature.
No human is consistent in his reactions in every situation. In different situations, under different circumstances, everyone thinks, acts and reacts differently and this becomes the sole reason for discord between two individuals.You know each other too well, but the changing scenario and one’s own individual opinion on a subject may cause a divide. What you say or do may not be to their liking, and there may be arguments and controversial statements spoken which leave you hurt and humiliated. When there is a lot of familiarity, there is a lot of openness and that backfires because there are then more reasons to hurt each other. You take one another for granted and blurt out whatever comes to mind. It's good, to be honest with each other, but honesty in trying periods can hurt badly. When you know each other too well, you may not be too happy with the particular habits and characteristics of one another, and these preconceived notions lead to a war of words which, in turn, leads to contemptuous expressions about each other.
So familiarity does make one feel secure, but one can never be sure if the other person feels secure too. He or she may be feeling insecure about your positive and bright qualities, and this insecurity leads to a lot of difference of opinions. This sense of insecurity, over a period of time, leaves them disgusted with your achievements, attitude, life style. There is a secret war raging within, which is never spoken aloud and when in tough situations, you get exposed to all that has been around you, invisible and dormant. When you are down and low and in need, they expose their real face to you and then there is double trouble, confronting with helplessness the reality of the whimsical shallowness that was so far hidden from you.
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